We gather together to yawn our way through “American Idol.” Please join me in this carefree, lighthearted romp down “who cares who wins” lane. I am grateful, however, that I don’t have to look at Nanny Brooke’s “sad face” anymore.

David Cook: His rendition of “Hungry Like the Wolf” was kind of sing-songy and sort of the same over and over. He sounded good but there just wasn’t much energy in the performance. Randy was right — it didn’t blow me away either. Or maybe it’s just that Duran Duran creeped me out majorly in the ’80s. And Cook pulled another one of his patented cheesy moves when he crouched low and swept the crowd with his “intense” look during the “hungry like a wolf” chorus. Ick.

Cook’s second song was the Who’s “Baba O’Riley.” This one is a classic to those of a certain age and he pulled it off. He sounded like he couldn’t quite hit the high note the first time but then grabbed it the second time. This is the guy who should win because he’s the best of what’s left.

Syesha Mercado: She took on Tina Turner and “Proud Mary.” She’s an excellent performer here, starting off slowly and then building into some dance moves. Strangely she didn’t look all that comfortable dancing, which surprises me because she’s an actor and surely has some dance training. But then she got into it with the band members and woke some people up and finished strong. Most excellent. I like her, but I wish she’d go with the natural hair instead of straightened.

Her second song, “A Change is Gonna Come,” was good. She hit some serious notes and poured her heart into the performance. I want to see her up there with Cook for the finale — she deserves it. And that outpouring of emotion at the end was the real deal, unlike the patented Brooke “face-o-sadness.”

Jason Castro: “I Shot the Sheriff” doesn’t seem like the brightest choice for Idol: He chose it because Bob Marley has dreads too? He had real dreads, Jason. Real ones. There just wasn’t anywhere for him to go with that song and it was horrid and it’s become apparent that Jason has absolutely no place on this show. He’s just a slacker and doesn’t care and neither should we. And I wonder if the parents of all the little tweens are going to let their kids download this one from iTunes.

He comes out with “Mr. Tambourine Man” for his second song and he sounded like he was trying to channel Dylan, even the part where he forgot the lyrics and just sang, “Mmm mmmm mmmm.” That really sounded a lot like Dylan. And at least he didn’t stop and restart like the sainted Nanny Brooke. If he doesn’t go home this week, it will be a travesty, it will.

David (Sleestak) Archuleta: Why won’t anyone stop him from that horrible breathy intake of Sleestak-inspired air? It’s to the point where it’s all I can hear. He said he was singing “Stand By Me” but I didn’t hear any of the song. Was he good? All I could hear was the breathing. Oh, and I noticed he’s back to closing his eyes while he’s singing. I wish I could close my ears. And please make him quit with the Melinda Doolittle-inspired fake humility when Randy drools all over him. Hate him, hate him, hate him.

His second song was “Love Me Tender” and in describing it, he said he hasn’t sung a real romantic love song on the big stage so this would be different. He’s basically sung the same song every week, so this really was a huge change-up for him (Note dripping sarcasm). I hated it. I hate him. That is all.

Speaking of hair, what is going on with Simon’s hair? It really is getting more bizarre. Is it some sort of modified flattop done in retaliation for Ryan’s fauxhawk? It’s very strange indeed.

Idol conspiracy theories are way fun and I heard the Washington Post’s Lisa de Moraes on “The Tony Kornheiser Show” last week talk about one. She said Ryan never said Syesha was in the bottom two last week. He just said the three boys were safe and sent them to the couches and then kept Brooke and Syesha together. She said she thinks Syesha wasn’t really in the bottom but Jason was. But because the producers want Jason gone, they marked him as safe so all his crazed little tween fans won’t think he’s in danger and rachet up the voting and they’ll get rid of him. Interesting, no?

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