It’s impossible to articulate how much I HATE that Parvati Shallow (and how fitting is that name?) won this season of Survivor. After all the great moves and terrific game play, to watch that shallow, self-absorbed little twit walk away with a million bucks is like trying to swallow that icky clam Kathy talked about.But once again, we can blame Amanda for giving the prize away. She’d have been better off choosing Cirie for the final two, but she allowed doubt and foolish loyalties to dictate her gameplay and in so doing, gave away the money.

Of course, I suspect there’s another layer that we’re not getting as viewers and I think Erik alluded to it. There is something about Amanda that ultimately rubs people (at least jury members) the wrong way.

I guess it all goes to show that you can be shallow, self-absorbed and willing to use your sexuality to advance yourself in life, but if you own your behavior you’re more likely to have people admire you.

Still … (insert inarticulate gurgle of rage/revulsion) how stupid is that danged jury to reward Parvati with anything more than a kick in the keister on the way out the door?

I’m not getting over this one any time soon.

Cirie ought to go down as the greatest Survivor ever for the masterful strategy she’s played out.

It was her idea to work Erik into giving up the immunity necklace. I reversed my recording just to check that out and watch her while they talked over the events of the immunity challenge was a lesson in machinations.

The women were sitting around, talking things over, mulling how awful it was that Erik had actually won. Parvati, Nat and Amanda were fatalistic. “If ONLY he hadn’t won Immunity.” Cirie had a sort of far-off look on her face. Then she said, slowly, “Unless we can get him to give the necklace to Nat.”

None of the others would have thought of that. In fact, Natalie out and out said it wouldn’t work — that it was too crazy. And not only did Cirie hatch the plan, it was she who came up with the four-pronged strategy to make it work.

1) Get Nat to go to him with the argument that everyone on the jury hates him and Amanda is his biggest threat. Ergo, he could redeem himself by giving Nat the immunity necklace and then the women would vote out Amanda.

2) Present herself and Nat as his compatriots, but with reservations, playing on the fact that he’d told so many whoppers they didn’t trust him. She (Cirie) needed a physical show of faith on his part that he would keep his word. And then she provided it: Giving up immunity.

3) Present Parvati and Amanda as the enemies. She then cemented it by telling Parvati and Amanda to go hard on him at Tribal. That would have tipped off a more intelligent player because Amanda is very strategic and has never “lost it” at Tribal the way others have. She and Parvati played the roles Cirie had written for them to perfection and Erik bit, hook, line and sinker.

4) The final link in the chain was her little speech at tribal, where she said it was only possible for an extremely dishonest player to redeem himself by actions, not by words. When she said that, I knew her strategy would work. Erik was sold. You could tell by the look on her face.

And if there was ever any doubt about Cirie’s philosophy about Survivor and strategy, she enunciated it perfectly when she cast her vote for Erik. “My momma always told me you may not be able to beat them here (pointing to her bicep), but you can always beat them here (pointing to her head).”

Masterful. She may not win, but she deserves to.

One other thing: If Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama really wanted to win the Democratic nomination, they’d hire Cirie Fields. She’d plot and scheme and strategize and smile, smile, smile. Knowing her, she’d find a way to get Republicans to vote for them.

Consider this first paragraph a filler, so people who haven’t yet watched Thursday’s episode of Survivor: Micronesia won’t have the ending spoiled for them.

When this season started, I was back and forth on whether I liked it or not. I found the concept interesting, but the so-called “favorites” weren’t so much favorites as the only former players who would agree to jump back in the frying pan again. That’s how we ended up with people like Amy and Eliza and Parvati. The only one who ended up changing my mind about herself was Eliza. Too bad she played such a bad social game. She’s extremely intelligent and could have gone all the way.

OK. Nuff o’that. On to tonight’s show and by that I mean to say …

WAS THAT THE BIGGEST BLINDSIDE EVER OR WHAT?

It was even better than last season’s take down of James, who held not one, but two immunity idols and was lulled into believing he wasn’t in jeopardy. Even so, James was never the dominating player that Ozzie was and is. Although dominating may be a bit of a misnomer. To be sure, he has the physical game down pat. He throws himself into challenges like a madman. Paired with his immense abilities for camp life, it made him a force to be reckoned with. But Ozzie’s game lacked the social aspect and thus he couldn’t see what was obvious to everyone: His dominance bred arrogance, which in turn fed the resentment of his weaker tribe mates. At that point, he became ripe fruit ready to be plucked from the tree and Cirie was ready to do the plucking.

I used to think Richard Hatch was the greatest Survivor player ever. I may have to amend that to encompass Cirie. She’s never been a favorite of mine, but she’s a master at reading the game and the players and playing both ends against the middle. Her machinations may end up costing her the game, but there’s a good chance that the ousted players will end up respecting her abilities and vote her the million after all, if she makes it that far. She’s smart and it was she who engineered Ozzie’s downfall.

Well played Cirie. Well played.

By the way, if you haven’t done so already, you ought to check out the Survivor: Life at the Ponderosa site. I’ve always wondered what happens to tribal members when they’re voted off the island. CBS has cleverly packaged snippets of their experiences in Life at the Ponderosa, which is what the jury members’ camp is called. If you watch nothing else, you’ve got to see Ozzie’s arrival at the Ponderosa. He calls himself every kind of moron you can imagine and can be heard plotting revenge. This year’s jury session with the final three is going to be hot.

I’ve never been Cirie’s biggest fan, but Thursday she showed her mastery of the social game of Survivor. In doing so, she orchestrated the second-biggest blindside this season. Last week’s ouster of Mike B. was the biggest.

The social aspect has always been overlooked by contestants who first arrive on the island. There is an emphasis on brawn and youth, and older, less physically able players are often targeted for elimination early on. Those who survive do so by keenly observing their fellow competitors’ strengths and weaknesses and then playing on both to ensure their survival.

Cirie exploited Ozzy’s huge desire to win the game by pointing out that fireman Joel was a bigger threat to him in the long run. Plus she correctly pointed out that the targeted-for-elimination Chet could be easily guided to do whatever those in power want him to do, while Joel was likely to be a threat to Ozzy once the weaker members of the tribe are gone. Though she was clearly not going to be eliminated this week, she correctly surmised she was next on Joel’s chopping block and worked to make sure he never got a chance to hold the ax.

This season’s fans versus favorites contest hasn’t been great, but the shaking up of the tribes and the new mix is proving interesting.

I have to admit, I’m still pulling for Jonathan to win it all, but that puncture in his knee looks painful and he might end up going home after all. Besides, who knows if Penner can suppress his tell-the-truth-at-all-costs streak long enough to last?

I was sorry to see Yau-Man trot down the path on Survivor Thursday night, but I was even more disgusted that it was Cirie who engineered his ouster. For once, I agree with the gravedigger on this one — letting Cirie go from the swing vote to the decision maker is a big mistake.

Survivor: Micronesia is fast becoming a winner for me. It’s interesting to see how newcomers to the game (especially those who think they know it all) figure out the twists and turns. The fans’ poor showing in day-to-day camp life illustrates one thing: the game is a lot harder than it looks on TV.

I’m not wild about anyone on the fan side of the island. The older crowd (especially Chet) seems lame and the younger fans (especially firefighter Joel) are trying too hard at physical gameplay and not hard enough at social gameplay.

Next week could be the decider on the favorites side. Jonathan’s strongest and weakest point has always been his affinity for just telling it like it is. He threw down with Cirie Thursday night and lost. I’m hoping he can pull some numbers next week and isolate, then eliminate her. She’s good at the social game, so he’s got to do something about her. It’s no problem to send her home early, since she’s terrible at both physical and mental challenges.

Yau-Man was right about one thing. Survivor is a cruel game.