There’s no way a real-life attorney would have gotten away with what Alan Shore got away with in his arguments to the Boston Legal Supreme Court.

Alan Shore isn’t a real-life attorney, but I suspect David E. Kelley would have been a darn fine one if he’d chosen to pursue that career path. Better for us that he chose a writing career instead and better for him as well. He’d never get to say the things that his alter ego, Alan Shore, gets to say.

Tonight’s case is a thinly veiled take on one recently argued before the Supreme Court: the question of executing someone for a crime that doesn’t include murder. In this case, it’s Louisiana’s attempt to execute a developmentally disabled black man for the rape of an 8-year-old girl. There were moments of jocularity, but the real point of Tuesday’s episode was to allow DEK, aka Alan Shore, to repudiate a high court that has arguably become supremely politicized and idealogical.

In one five-minute soliloquy, Shore touched on the decision that put Bush in the White House and virtually every other scandal or impropriety that has skimmed the high court in the past eight years or so. In the end, he managed to remember he was representing a man who stood to lose his life and brought the case back on target, but that was all beside the point anyway. Tonight’s episode was DEK bringing to life his most cherished fantasy.

It was great TV. Not real life, mind you. But great TV.

I swear, David Kelley isn’t going to be happy until he’s stomped the life out of what used to be a terrific show: Boston Legal.

The show, like many previous Kelley products, walks a fairly fine line between drama and zaniness. When Kelley’s writing slips too far over that line, it just becomes a cartoon and that’s what Boston Legal is like these days.

That’s not to say aren’t some fine moments woven through the cartoonish aspects. The character of Katie Lloyd continues to shine and Carl Sack (played by the deliciously wonderful John Laroquette) is becoming a revelation.

But Boston Legal has always been, at its heart, about Alan Shore and Denny Crane, and Kelley has reduced them both to glorified walk-ons who parade about muttering pithy lines, hugging and having sleepovers and joining the Coast Guard. When Kelley gets to the meat of the story — the continuing dementia-induced deterioration of William Shatner’s Denny Crane and his friend’s compassionate reaction to it — the show can be heartbreaking, funny and surprisingly tender. It’s just that he doesn’t do it often enough, which means that Denny Crane is left to wander the halls hitting on women, making crude, basely sexual comments to his coworkers and, in general, being tiresome.

James Spader’s turn as Alan Shore has won him an Emmy, but he’s not going to get it with the fluff he’s been dished up this year.

It’s time to reinvent the wheel, Mr. Kelley.

First, can Saffron Burrows. She may be a fine actress, but she really has nothing to do but decorate the hallway.

Run with the Katie Lloyd/Jerry Espenson storyline, but please don’t take it in a sexual direction. It’s refreshing to see a man and woman in a professional setting share a genuine friendship that isn’t contingent upon sex. That’s the way it works in many offices, but maybe the world of television production is different and everyone is having sex with everyone else ALL the time.

I could do with less of the Whitney character. She’s not awful, just boring.

More Carl Sack. The part of Tuesday’s episode that was terrific was the scenes between Laroquette and Candace Bergen. I liked Rene Aberjunois as the senior partner, but I love Laroquette more.

And finally, please bring back the Pinstriped Crusader and let Alan Shore do what he does best. (And no, that’s not sitting out on the balcony with Denny Crane smoking cigars and drinking brandy. Those ending moments are becoming the most boring of the show.)

If Boston Legal reclaims its joie de vive, I’ll be happy to have it go on for several more seasons. More like this season and I can see an end in sight.

I took notes during Tuesday night’s airing of “American Idol,” but after 12 singers and two pages of notes, it all comes down to one thing:

Thank God that Simon Cowell tells the truth, no matter what. Randy Jackson may have been “feeling it” and Paula was loving everyone, but Simon knew dreck when he heard it.

I have to admit I have a little chip on my shoulder when it comes to some of the singers. As already revealed by Vote for the Worst, a good chunk of the top 24 have previous experience and connections in the music industry.

David Archuleta is a case in point. He won Star Search at age 12. During the first Idol season, he met with the show’s producers and some record labels. Plus, he just wasn’t that good tonight. He claims to be 17, but he looks 12. Here’s hoping viewers show him the door.

Then there’s Robbie Carrico. Sorry Robbie, but when you’ve toured as an opening act for Britney Spears, you’ve had your shot at fame. You’re not fresh or undiscovered, which is what I thought AI is supposed to be all about.

I’m not as bothered by Jason Castro’s background. He acted in a failed TV show, but at least he hasn’t had a shot at a music career and failed. But the performance tonight was weird. Dreadlocked guy does nothing for me.

Jason Yeager’s performance was also blecky. “Moon River” is a lovely song when sung correctly. When it’s just boring, and sharp or flat all the way through, it’s awful. He made it awful.

And, much as I hate to say this, but Michael Johns is another ringer who’s been slipped into this talent contest by some canny music executive looking to plump up record sales. There’s a reason he sounds professional … he is. Consider what the Vote for the Worst reporter wrote about him:

An Australian import, he was formerly the lead singer of a band called The Rising and a band called Film. He also changed his name from Michael Lee. Johns was signed to Maverick Records with Film, and they were supposed to release a debut album in 2003. But according to one of the group members, Johns allegedly screwed over Film by leaving the band and stealing their songs, claiming he wrote them.

There’s much grumbling online in various blogs that Johns is a record company plant being groomed for a high finish and resulting sales and I have to say it looks like it could be true. You can check out his sound with The Rising on the band’s MySpace page. Of course, nothing is a sure thing at this point. And every time someone thinks they’ve got the win in the bag, the American public comes along and knocks them off the pedestal.

As for the rest of the field, the only ones who made me truly cringe were the little boys who tried to sing Elvis Presley songs. Seriously, what made Danny Noriega think that wiggling around like a hyperactive puppy and squeaking his way through one of the classics by the King of rock ‘n’ roll would be a way to win this contest? Ditto the bland little blonde boy, Colton Berry, who attempted “Suspicious Minds.”

I don’t know who’s going home, but if I had my choice, it would be Danny Noriega and Colton Berry. Call it a king-sized smackdown.