My grandson, Ian, found a cast-iron metal shoehorn on a bookshelf the other day. "What the heck?" asked Ian, 8, turning the piece over and over in his hand. "Why do you have this?" he asked, a logical question from a kid who lives on Maui and wears flip-flops.

So I started to tell Ian about my great-grandfather who made that shoehorn. And I realized I was sharing a legacy of family values: Hard work, honesty, loyalty, faith, optimism, humor. And I knew I have to write this down.

I have to write what Judith Shultz calls an ethical will, not a legal document about my possessions but words of wisdom to my heirs.

An ethical will, she says, "is a personal statement from a parent or grandparent, an aunt, uncle or friend to those loved ones who are important to the writer." It's a personal message about what one has learned over a lifetime.

"There's a whole bunch of ways to do an ethical will," says Shultz, who leads workshops in preparing such documents. "Originally this was an oral tradition, then it became written, now some people video their statements or leave audio tapes." The important thing is to do it, Shultz says. "You need to write it down regardless of when it might be delivered. After all, you never know... ." Shultz counsels there are various ways to get started preparing an ethical will, from reading a book on the topic to a class to just doing it on your own.

"Some people pick a particular event and say 'This is the most important thing that happened to me in my life.' Or 'This is how I feel as I look back on my life.' I think what's important is you don't have to be a great writer. You say or write the will in your own words, words that are familiar to the people who know you, words that come from your heart."

Ethical wills can be used to explain to your heirs why you left the silver set to your daughter or your vintage Mustang to a particular grandson. "This is the perfect way to explain why you are not dividing your estate equally, for example," she says. "It really helps to make peace in the long run with the family and yourself." Passing the peace is a good description of an ethical will.

"The reason I love this venue," Shultz says, "is there are no rules except there can be nothing vengeful. This is more about you, about sharing yourself instead of your things." Shultz, who recently retired as director of Jewish Family and Children's Services in Long Beach, Calif., got interested in ethical wills when she was preparing a presentation for grandparents of interfaith, intercultural grandchildren. Writing an ethical will, she reasoned, is a way to transmit one's heritage, traditions and values to the youngsters.

The wills provide a connection between the generations, she says, and add meaning to one's life. "This is a personal growth experience," she says.

Shultz became passionate on the subject as she continued her work with people who were dying or had early dementia and wanted their families to remember who they were before their illnesses. Her classes begin with an overview and examples and go on to working through opening sentences, to actual writing. Don't put the job on the back burner, Shultz says. "I urge everyone to do it now." And what's her favorite ethical will?

Shultz can quote many examples. Letters from Holocaust victims. Letters to children and grandchildren. Examples from lawyers and psychologists.

Then she reads what the late humorist Sam Levinson wrote in letters "to grandchildren and children everywhere." He wrote: "Leaving you everything I have had in my lifetime: a good family, respect for learning, compassion for my fellowman, and some four letter words for all occasions like help, give, care, feel and love."

---

Haas writes for The Orange County (Calif.) Register and may be contacted at jghaas@cox.net.