The Edge

Today is Monday, April 9, the 99th day of 2007. There are 266 days left in the year.

A punny way to start your Monday

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself. (That's a story that lens itself.)

A backward poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A flat miner.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blown apart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

His parents thought he was a budding genius, but he turned out to be a blooming idiot.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Puzzlers

L

R

U

C

& COLOR

Sunday's answer:

TRUTH

E

C

A

F - Face up to the truth

And finally ...

Is french kissing in France just called kissing?

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Jokes, suggestions and contest entries may be sent to Susan Engle, The Edge editor, at edge@lmtribune.com; The Edge, 505 C St., Lewiston ID 83501; or by fax, attn: Edge, (208) 746-1185.