Items from this column are pulled from police logs from around the region.

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A dark-colored brown bear was roaming near the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on 16th Avenue in Clarkston. Wildlife officials darted and carted the bear, which was probably bear-ly able to contain itself at the smell of some funeral potatoes. Onlookers could hardly bear the sight of the hungry animal.

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A man was reported walking and "screaming about the government," on Idaho Street in Lewiston.

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A Lewiston man's dog defecated on a neighbor's lawn on 11th Avenue, and the resident told the man to pick it up. The man said no. After an argument, the man told the resident if he didn't have his dog with him the disagreement would come to blows. Police couldn't locate the fussy fecal fighter.

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A Lewiston resident on Hemlock Avenue called police reporting three horses in a pen next to the homeowner's fence were stinking up the place.

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Four Lewiston men were reported using the crosswalk flags on Main Street to direct traffic.

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A Lewiston resident was fed up with his neighbors having loud intercourse four or more times a day and called police. The complainant had tried knocking on the ceiling, but the couple didn't answer, and they continued bumping bellies. Officers responded to the First Avenue apartment but the loud, lascivious couple did not answer the door, probably because they were busy. Or trying to refuel on food and drink after the marathon mating sessions.

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University of Idaho security was advised a resident at Elmwood Apartments was blasting dubstep music. The resident was warned to get with the times; dubstep is so 2010.

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A Moscow woman was reported screaming on the 1100 block of North Polk Street. The 911 caller reported the woman screaming is not an uncommon occurrence.

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Two drunk Moscow men were reported tossing over garbage cans on the 1800 block of White Avenue. The men fell over several times and were heard telling each other how drunk they both were.

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A Moscow resident called police and reported they had a skunk "in custody."

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Six men were waving American flags outside a gas station on Troy Road in Moscow. Police responded and an officer wrote in a report that the men "appeared to be expressing their patriotic feelings in a safe manner."

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A Moscow man was reported yelling at a woman retrieving her mail and telling her that the "pizza man has her number and she was going to get in trouble."

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Pullman police responded to a report of a rattlesnake found on Southeast Bishop Boulevard. The officer "dispatched" the snake.

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Pullman animal control responded to a report of a person cornering a loose guinea pig on the 1100 block of Northeast Stadium Way. Reports didn't say if the guinea pig wrangler used the opportunity to malign the police by calling the pigs to capture the pocket pig.

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Holm may be contacted at tholm@lmtribune.com or at (208) 848-2275. Follow him on Twitter @TomHolm4.