Dolphins shouldn't help the military?

Tell it to Flipper.

Some people obviously forgot the classic two-parter "Flipper Joins the Navy" from March, 1966. (It was episodes 25 and 26 of the second season, in case you're interested.)

Flipper was proud to serve his country, Are protesters suggesting his comrades are any less patriotic?

The Navy enlists (OK, drafts) dolphins to protect its Hood Canal submarine base in Washington from villainous frogmen. If a dolphin spies a suspicious swimmer or scuba diver, it alerts authorities.

Once outfitted with a strobe light on its nose, the dolphin speeds back and gives the undersea skulker a stern bump. This alerts the Navy to the guy's position.

Sea lions perform these services too, although they're not nearly as adorable as the dolphins.

Pretty cool, huh?

Protesters don't think so. They find the whole idea of drafting animals into military service unseemly. Then there's the question of cruelty. The waters of Hood Canal are colder than the dolphins are used to off sunny California. Their tanks are kept warm, but in essence, they're ordered to stand guard duty in a blizzard for a couple of hours a day.

But does that amount to cruelty?

Dorian Houser, a marine mammal physiologist for the Navy, insists studies show bottlenose dolphins can handle more extreme conditions and deal well with temperatures down to about 40 degrees. Hood Canal can get cold, but it rarely gets that cold.

Granted, the Navy pays her salary, so Houser is hardly unbiased. The same can be said of the protesters. They probably disapprove of the military on general principle. No doubt they similarly object to unconsenting animals ever being used for human purposes.

So much for police dogs. And if you're blind, get a cane.

It would be one thing if Flipper's friends were being strapped with bombs and dropped on Iraq. Now that would be cruel. The animals at Hood Canal are being used no more cruelly than guard dogs. The water can get a bit nippy at times, but that doesn't warrant the dolphins getting hardship discharges.

Animal rights activists really ought to pick their battles. Protesting with inflated dolphins dressed in camouflage shirts impresses people - but only with the silliness of the protesters. - T.H.